Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
We are all done wearing pants today
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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