So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
