My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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