Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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