I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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