listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
