Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
