Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
