my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
