I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
