ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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