Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
