so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
