My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
