He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
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