Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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