So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
