I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
