I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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