How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
