I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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