1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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