dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You ate ashes out of my bong
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
