If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I looked at my own cervix.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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