Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
