I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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