dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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