HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
