Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
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