Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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