there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
