my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
