i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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