That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
