the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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