Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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