She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
