speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
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