she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
