I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just forgot I was standing up.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
