I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
