R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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