So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
