You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
