Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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