Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
