Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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