He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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