What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
