I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
