Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
