You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
