Everything about him screamed your future.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
she peed on how many people?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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