I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
What did we do last night that was yellow?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
