2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Randomize
